Are you looking to set some limits and boundaries for your child to confidently prepare for the HSC? Wondering whether the tough love parenting approach will work?
Below, we’ve outlined the basic principles of tough love; why it’s important, when to implement it and the circumstances that may require it. The HSC can be a stressful and difficult time, sometimes exactly what your child needs is some tough love and firm instructions to help them through it.
Let’s begin!
What is tough love?
What does this look like during the HSC?
How to Implement Tough Love
What is tough love?
Tough love is a parenting approach all about setting boundaries and remaining stern for the betterment of your child. It’s not a one-size-fits-all strategy, but if you think your child could use some tougher rules and higher expectations, it may be a great method to try.
Tough love parenting falls between authoritarian and more relaxed approaches, so it’s one that combines love and compassion with the implementation of tough rules and some sternness. So, this may involve not interfering and pushing your child to work out their own mistakes, not letting them hang out with friends until their rooms are clean or implementing some sort of curfew to ensure they’re not out too late and missing out on important sleep.
Quality sleep can be difficult for students to maintain, especially during the HSC. If you’re looking for some sleep-tips for your Year 12 student, take a look at the best ways to maintain a healthy sleep schedule.
What does this look like during the HSC?
While your Year 12 student may be nearing adulthood, set on gaining some further freedoms, the HSC usually calls for some increased discipline and surveillance. Expect to hear “Ugh, Dad!” or “Muuuum!” often.
For parents of HSC students, some tough love strategies may involve putting a timer on study sessions, getting them used to taking consistent mock tests and limiting fun or social activities until enough study and homework is done.
For example, if you’ve got a soccer fanatic on your hands who’s far more interested in scoring goals on the pitch than getting high marks in a test, you could employ this to encourage some more study. A simple strategy could go as follows:
Example: No study, No soccer.
Here’s quite a specific example, but of course it can be applied to almost any interest. Perhaps you’ve got a child who spends their days gaming, cycling, hanging out with friends or checking social media, this hack would work just as well.
It’s a simple rule but equally as powerful, don’t let your child participate in their favourite activity until they’ve completed a sufficient amount of study. You’ve got to use your child’s motivation and passion for another activity to fuel their efficiency in schoolwork.
Back to the soccer example. If your child lives and breathes soccer and would do anything before forgoing their chance to make the big league, they’ll realise that the only way to pursue their soccer goals is to complete some regular and effective study.
Your HSC student may not love the rule, but it’s going to help in the long run. Give it a couple weeks, and soon it’ll become a habit. This strategy is going to develop their self motivation and discipline, which will come in handy far beyond the HSC exams. In fact, they’ll probably thank you by the end of it all, though that may be hard to envision at first.
If you’re reading this earlier than the looming HSC exams, it may be helpful to begin implementing this rule as soon as you can. If you begin utilising this strategy while your child is in Year 9 or 10, it will likely become second nature and therefore they’ll receive plenty of independence during Year 12 once they’ve gained your trust and can enact the ‘No study, no…’ rule by themselves.
Keep in mind that you’ll have to persevere with this one. It probably won’t be very well received initially, but it’ll be totally worth it if you’re tough and consistent.
How to Implement Tough Love
So, we’ve given you one example. One that’s perfect for students with varied interests and those that love a particular activity.
Now, we’ll get into some other tips and tricks to get your child confident and prepared for the HSC exams using tough love. These skills will even be useful once they enter the workforce. Win win!
#1: Create a study timetable
A great way to encourage a consistent and effective learning plan for your child is to work with them to set up a realistic and achievable study timetable. This will enable your Year 12 student to get an idea of their expectations, be able to arrange exciting activities around their allocated study times and also feel accomplished each week when they get through it!
As Tracy (98.35 ATAR) explained:
“With my parents, I had organised a study plan/timetable where they ensured I was on track, completing certain tasks on time and making sure I did not procrastinate.”
A key feature of this strategy is to co-create the timetable. This way, your child won’t feel as though they’re being forced to complete a task that they haven’t agreed to.
You can help each other to create a timetable that allows for recreational activities, socialising and relaxing. You should design this schedule in relation to their goals. So, they’ll have something solid and measurable to work towards and they can be kept accountable for achieving their goals.
The timetable above mainly outlines time for study and school, but depending on the activities your child wants to engage with, they can all be fit around study times.
Importantly, this hack should develop some strong study habits. You could work out a timetable that suits 30-60 days and hopefully afterwards it’ll become a habit!
You could also check out one of our previous articles which lays out how to make a study plan here!
#2: Sign pages of their work
Another tip you can use to hold your child accountable and ensure they’re getting the most out of their study sessions is to literally sign the pages of homework that they’ve completed. This way, you can feel confident that they’re finishing enough high-quality work.
As Manav (96.25 ATAR) explained,
“My parents signed on a page and I used to write study notes from the textbook. This helped me a lot to set a parameter that, how much work I did and pages written can be cashed into prizes hence it’s self satisfaction and appreciation at the same time.”
This strategy generally places quality over quantity. As a parent, you’re looking for work that’s well-done and focussed. This way, come the end of the study session, you can ask questions like, “Did you complete what you needed to achieve your goals?” rather than “Why haven’t you done more?”.
It’s a simple strategy that typically works best when used in the short term, just to let your child associate study and productivity with output rather than a period of time.
#3: Use an assessment chart
A variation of the study plan strategy is to use a similar process with an assessment chart. This will enable you and your child to track relevant exam and assessment dates. You’ll see how much time’s left and from that decide the quality and quantity of study that’s necessary.
As Manav (96.25 ATAR) commented,
“They kept me accountable with my assignments and tests as my mother made a chart of assignments and tests due in a particular term and gave me reminder 2 days before the due date and also made sure that I’m on time for the test.”
#4: Enforce a no technology rule
As we’re all well aware, technology — whether that be phones, computers or tablets — is the HSC student’s kryptonite. Not only can it be a huge distraction, but apps like Instagram and Facebook can be huge confidence stealers.
If possible, a no technology rule could be a great option for your HSC child to remain positive, focussed and healthy.
Lin-Lee’s (99.65 ATAR) parents implemented a no technology rule.
“I was not allowed a computer/laptop in my room, it helped me concentrate better.”
Phones and laptops are pretty much synonymous with procrastination, and procrastination can be the bane of an HSC student’s existence! Even so, implementing strategies like the Pomodoro Technique, Chunking and Earning Fun, will no doubt help your child beat the HSC procrastination bug. Check out more right here!
There are a few ways to implement the no technology rule. These include:
No Phones While Studying
By ensuring your child leaves their phone in an unreachable place, a study session will likely be far more productive and effective. Every time someone gets distracted, it takes 7 to 8 minutes to get their flow again. If you think about that happening regularly, that’s a lot of precious study time lost!
As a parent, you may have to use some tough love here to hide your child’s phone during their study session to reduce distracting variables as much as possible.
Study with Technology in a Public Place
Admittedly, sometimes technology is essential. Especially when more and more schools are expecting their pupils to come with their own laptop to work on. This means that a lot of homework and study practice will take place online.
A way around this would be to ensure your child only uses technology (to study) in a public place. That way you’re able to keep an eye on their searches to make sure they’re staying on track.
Since the HSC is still completed manually, putting pen to paper while studying is always a good idea. This way your child can build those important hand and brain muscles to continue writing. They’ll thank you when they’re one of the few students still writing in the last couple minutes of an exam.
With that said, technology can also have the ability to make a positive impact on your child’s daily life. There are great free meditation apps to reduce stress and apps for improving sleep routines, so it’s not all bad! But, of course, excessive technology-use can definitely have a negative effect on your child’s concentration and overall confidence.
#5: Reward hard work!
We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again. The HSC can be an incredibly difficult time, in fact, 1 in 3 high school students are stressed! So, it’s important that, as parents, you remain compassionate and understanding.
Look out for your child and make sure they’re not struggling to an unhealthy extent. If you feel as though they may be excessively anxious or stressed, you could always consider professional help. And have a squiz at our Definitive Guide to Managing HSC Stress and Anxiety.
Still, if your child has pushed through some of these strategies like a champ, reward them! Show how proud of them you are by taking them out to dinner or giving them a weekend off.
In fact, you could use this reward as a motivating factor to begin with. If they make it through 5 weeks of the above strategies, they will be rewarded with so and so.
We’ve given you the tips, now you can see how effective they can be!
Are you looking for some extra help for your child during the HSC?
We have an incredible team of HSC tutors and mentors!
We can help your child master their HSC subjects and ace their upcoming HSC assessments with personalised lessons conducted one-on-one in your home or at one of our state of the art campuses in Hornsby or the Hills!
We’ve supported over 8,000 students over the last 11 years, and on average our students score mark improvements of over 20%!
To find out more and get started with an inspirational HSC tutor and mentor, get in touch today or give us a ring on 1300 267 888!
Gemma Billington is a Content Writer at Art of Smart and an undergraduate student at the University of Technology Sydney. While studying Journalism and Social and Political Sciences, Gemma enjoys spending her time at the gym or reading about Britain’s medieval monarchy – ideally not at the same time. She currently creates and administers social media posts for Central News and writes for the student publication, The Comma. After completing her undergraduate degree, she hopes to study a Masters of Medieval History and is very excited about the prospect!
