Wondering how to help your child feel responsible for their own success? Hoping to inspire them to take some accountability in their achievements?
We hear you. Below, we’ve outlined the ways you can maintain trust in your child’s independence and the various ways that they can achieve success, on their own terms.
Let’s get started!
What is success?
How to Identify Success
Determining and Measuring Success
How to Make Your Child Responsible for Their Success in Year 11 and 12
Benefits of Building Trust and Independence
What is success?
To get started, let’s figure out what success actually is. Then, we can shift this definition into various contexts and apply it to your child’s personal life and goals.
Of course, every parent wants the best for their child; you want them to succeed academically, emotionally, physically, socially, professionally, the list goes on. But how do we define this success? What does it really mean?
Success is a multifaceted phenomenon. It has many layers that intersect and overlap. Here are some different meanings of success:
Success is…
#1: Doing their best
Success can be as simple as watching your child doing their very best. Perhaps they’re studying effectively, following a study schedule, getting some extra reading in, all while having time to hang out with friends and enjoy meals at the family dinner table!
This one’s quite a subjective goal but it’s one that everyone can achieve! If your child is putting in the best effort, then what more could you ask for?
#2: Overcoming fear
Another form of success can be achieved when your child consistently overcomes their fears. If your child is worried about taking a test or nervous to present an important speech, but pushes through anyway, you can definitely say they’ve succeeded and they should feel proud of their achievements.
High school can be a really difficult and overwhelming time for a lot of students. There’s a lot of pressure from teachers, family, and universities to perform well and succeed. So, when your child is overcoming their fears (no matter what they are), you should encourage them to feel proud of themselves, therefore supporting them in taking responsibility for their own successes.
When it comes to more intense fears — drifting into the anxiety and depression territory — remind your child that it’s totally okay, valid and normal to seek professional help.
In fact, we’ve got an entire article about stress and anxiety in high school, what’s the difference and when to seek help. Check it out right here!
#3: Giving everything a go
If your child is giving everything a go, and not getting discouraged by the outcome, they’ve reached yet another mode of success! Building resilience and dealing with failure is an invaluable skill that, if developed as soon as possible, will have major benefits.
Whether they’re giving everything a go academically by completing extra homework or taking the initiative to find themselves a helpful online tutor and being proud of themselves no matter how they perform, you’ve got a succeeding child on your hands.
#4: Getting good marks
It’s totally understandable if you or your child measures their success by the standard of their school grades, especially when there’s a huge expectation on schools to lay the foundations for future tertiary study and professional roles. Still, it’s basically inevitable to get a few subpar marks along the way, so as long as your child is putting in the time and effort into studying and enjoying it as they go, there’s success for you!
#5: Not giving up
When things don’t always go to plan, it’s only natural to feel discouraged, even to the point of giving up. But we’re here to tell you that having the courage to push through and keep trying, is undeniable success in itself!
So, if your child is coming home disappointed in bad marks, remind them that it’s not the end of the world, that you’re proud of them, and that there’s always next time.
See! Success is everywhere.
How to Determine and Measure Success
Just to reiterate, there’s no one avenue towards success. It’s a subjective term that could encompass a variety of results, goals and ideas — it’s dependent on the individual!
Especially when it comes to studying for the HSC and other academic goals, your child is likely under enough pressure as it is. This doesn’t mean they can’t achieve their own form of success though.
It may be a good idea to sit down with your Year 11 or 12 student and co-create some realistic, reasonable and measurable goals that will lay the foundations for their own kind of success. Whether that’s tracking their grades, recording the amount of times they went to school when it felt impossible, or fitting in a good sleep around studying, you should remind them to be proud of themselves.
When your child knows that you’re proud of them for trying their best, it’s going to be easier for them to feel the same way about themselves, thus helping them feel responsible for their own success.
How to Make Your Child Responsible for Their Success in Year 11 and 12
Now that we’ve discussed the limitless variables involved in determining success and the impossibility of seeing success as a rigid and objective ideal, let’s walk through how success should be viewed in Year 11 or 12.
As your child approaches the end of school, it would be understandable if they were looking for some independence and some more freedom. But, how much independence should you be giving your child in their last few years of school?
It’s a fine line! On one hand, it’s natural, as a parent, to offer the experience you’ve gained having been a student once yourself. You want your child to avoid the mistakes that you made.
On the other hand, those years can be seen as a transition period where you can take a step back from your child’s life and let them begin making their own decisions.
Our research has shown that students value a very particular role that you can take up as a parent. It’s all about trust.
This was reiterated by many other students — including Van (96.00 ATAR):
“My parents were very supportive and understanding of my subject choices and studying methods.”
Building Trust and Independence
When you can develop a sense of trust in the relationship you have with your child, you can feel confident in their decision making, independence and self discipline, leading to your child being held accountable for their own success.
While we’re not saying to totally leave your child to their own devices, it may be a good chance to test some differing approaches, like letting your child make their own decisions and respecting them even if you think it may be the wrong move.
Year 11 and 12 students typically still want their parents to take an active role in providing guidance, though it’s important that you give them a sense of autonomy in their decisions, but of course, you can make suggestions.
It may be a good idea to communicate this new approach with your child, because it’s definitely going to feel like a bit of a change. You may want to tell them that they have control over what they study, their subjects and extracurricular activities while also making it clear that they’re now responsible for their own future. The good, bad, benefits and consequences.
As Stephan (96.9 ATAR) highlighted, his parents made him entirely responsible for this own success:
“I was made entirely responsible for my successes and mistakes. I alone decided upon the amount of time and methods to study each subject. They gave me their own opinions of my work-ethic and encouraged positivity and confidence.”
This was echoed by Jenean (99.75 ATAR):
When this trust and independence is provided, it’s given with the understanding that the responsibility is now on your child to work towards their own academic success. Through trial and error they’ll work out that the onus is on them to perform well, which will be the case for the rest of their life.
This was reiterated by both Megan (88.95 ATAR) and Emily (89.25 ATAR) respectively:
“My parents often reminded me that it was up to me and the decisions I make will inevitably affect me in the end. Therefore if I chose not to study or slack off I knew that I would have no one else to blame but myself.”
“My parents always told me I would deserve the mark I got — I learned pretty quickly that it wasn’t always a compliment. They would always remind me of my academic responsibilities if they felt they were lax, but ensured that I was aware that my grades were my responsibility.”
To wrap it up, communication is key when it comes to transitioning your child to a more independent and trusting relationship. You should be explicit in explaining that they are responsible for their own success.
How This Strategy Works
Now that we’ve outlined the importance of building trust and independence, let’s dive into the nitty gritty. How does this actually work? What’s the point and what will it achieve?
#1: Makes your child responsible for their own success
The most major benefit this approach will have is that it gives your child a chance to feel responsible for their own success. It’s a good time for a test run too!
They’re still in school, dependent on parents, so it’s their chance to work out the best ways to study and perform well academically. It will give your child a chance to build important resilience and dedication, which is going to come in handy later on in life.
Oliver (99.4 ATAR) noted:
“My parents put a lot of trust in my abilities and self-organisation skills, letting me choose which subjects to take, what extra-curricular activities to do and how much study time I should accommodate for myself in the end. In return, I gave it my all and aimed not to take this trust lightly, and they were indeed delighted with my ATAR result.”
#2: Develops important self organisation and independence
Additionally, this approach is going to indirectly assist your child to develop organisational skills and self discipline.
As Coby (96 ATAR) articulated:
“They encouraged independent learning. Although they assisted me when I needed help, they made sure that I was capable of learning on my own accord because they believed that this initiative is an important skill through life; not only in the study environment.”
As long as you communicate your intentions, give your child space to utilise this newfound independence, allow them to learn independently, but be there if they need you, you’ll be building some lifelong skills that they can take with them through university and into the working world. Good luck!
Are you looking for some extra help for your child during the HSC?
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We can help your child master their HSC subjects and ace their upcoming HSC assessments with personalised lessons conducted one-on-one in your home or at one of our state of the art campuses in Hornsby or the Hills!
We’ve supported over 8,000 students over the last 11 years, and on average our students score mark improvements of over 20%!
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Gemma Billington is a Content Writer at Art of Smart and an undergraduate student at the University of Technology Sydney. While studying Journalism and Social and Political Sciences, Gemma enjoys spending her time at the gym or reading about Britain’s medieval monarchy – ideally not at the same time. She currently creates and administers social media posts for Central News and writes for the student publication, The Comma. After completing her undergraduate degree, she hopes to study a Masters of Medieval History and is very excited about the prospect!
