Are you struggling with anxiety? Perhaps you can pinpoint these feelings in the roots of perfectionism. If so, there’s a chance that you’re struggling with perfectionism-related anxiety.
We got to chat with Semanur, a high school counsellor who was able to help us break down the notion of perfectionism-related anxiety. If you want to get to the bottom of your anxiety, look for the signs and get to know Semanur’s top tips for managing these feelings, then keep scrolling!
Let’s begin!
What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism and Anxiety
Signs of Perfectionism-Related Anxiety
Tips for Managing Perfectionism-Related Anxiety
Meet Semanur
Semanur’s been a high school counsellor for nearly 4 years now and in that time she’s come to work with students with a multitude of emotional, academic and mental health struggles. With a background in psychology, Semanur wasn’t always too sure what she wanted to do.
“I did a quiz that analyses your personality and matches you up with a career you’re most likely to be compatible with.
“For me, it said that I enjoy helping people out. And upon the results, there was like a list of careers — school counselling was a part of that. And it sits right with me — I like talking to people, and hearing their story, hearing their life and knowing that I can have an impact in their life,” Semanur explained.
The satisfaction of helping someone out is, to Semanur, invaluable.
What is perfectionism?
To find out exactly what perfectionism-related anxiety is, we’ve broken up our research into two distinct sections. We put the questions to Semanur — what is perfectionism and how can that translate into anxiety?
Semanur explained, “Perfectionism is characterised by setting up really high, and sometimes even, impossible standards for ourselves.”
While perfectionism can often be self-created, Semanur explained how it can often be fostered by external factors.
A particular environment that can commonly enable these perfectionist traits is in the classroom. Especially when it comes to exams, assessments and the HSC, it’s almost expected that some students are working themselves to exhaustion to achieve those high marks or get into that medicine degree. It’s tough!
“I would say the demands of secondary is quite high, especially the senior years. They’re expected to get a certain ATAR to then get into a certain course that they want to do, which then increases this performance anxiety. They feel like they’re defined by the data,” Semanur said.
So, if you’re finding that some of your perfectionist characteristics are manifesting in your school work and marks — know that you’re not alone. We’ll be covering some helpful strategies to manage these feelings very soon.
The Interconnectedness Between Perfectionism and Anxiety
Now that we know what perfectionism is, what exactly is perfectionism-related anxiety? Do they innately connect or are they separate? Semanur was on the case:
“I think there is a big correlation between the two. You would have kids that sort of push themselves so much to the point that they’ve studied a lot and they’ve prepared for this.
“But when they go into that exam hall to do the exam, they will have a panic attack, or they will suddenly forget everything that they’ve already studied. Because they’re putting that pressure upon themselves. So I would definitely say that there’s a big correlation between anxiety and being a perfectionist when it comes to performance.”
Signs of Perfectionism-Related Anxiety
Now that we’ve covered the perfectionism side of things and we’ve gone through the relationship between perfectionism and anxiety, what does this actually look like for a person? What kind of signs might someone be looking for to spot it?
Before we get into it, this would also be a good time to mention that mental and emotional struggles look completely different on different people — these aren’t the only signs of perfectionism-related anxiety because if we listed them all, we’d be here all day. So, don’t let this deter you from seeking professional help. If you’re struggling, it’s always good to talk to someone!
What should you look out for?
Semanur explained that negative thoughts, rigid attitudes and extreme stress are the main signs that she’d look for when it comes to perfectionism-related anxiety.
“When there’s clearly negative self talk there. If that student’s always doubting themselves, or if they’re always stressing about even the most simple tasks that they need to do — I think that’s one of the first few signs that they should seek help.”
Semanur added, “And they can seek help, it’s all around us. They can go to the school counsellor, they can find someone else to talk to, but when they are noticing, or when parents are noticing that the child is displaying a lot of negative self talk and doubting themselves, I think that would be a good starting point.”
Someone who’s rigid, a bit uptight and inflexible when it comes to any sort of change may also be displaying perfectionist tendencies.
“A perfectionist generally has a comfort zone that they don’t want to step out of. Because they’re comfortable, they know that they can perform a certain way. So they choose to not step out of that, because it’s a risk for them.”
Tips for Managing Perfectionism-Related Anxiety
#1: Normalise mistake-making
Semanur’s first tip when it comes to managing perfectionism-related anxiety is to work on normalising mistake-making. This is one that throws you straight into the deep end because we definitely don’t live in a world where mistakes are normal or thought of as natural.
That’s a big reason why there’s so much pressure to perform well in the HSC because we’re taught to think that doing badly is the worst thing in the world. To challenge these thoughts, we’ve got to begin to shift that mindset for the sake of all our mental health.
Semanur explained that the shame that comes with making mistakes is often fostered by our parents, “I think this stems a lot from our parents. Parents sort of place this expectation on us to perform in a certain way.”
“So I think if parents were to normalise mistake-making from the get go, and begin teaching their kids that, ‘Okay, you’ve made a mistake, but how can we move away from this? Okay, so what’s the take home message? Because you can’t change anything now.’”
Those are even thoughts that you can start to develop for yourself. Instead of dwelling on a particular mistake, you’ve got to look at it from an outside perspective.
Think, ‘what has this mistake taught me?’ Or, even better, think, ‘it’s great that I’ve made this mistake because it’s taught me…’ So, try and reframe these negative feelings around mistake-making in a positive light.
#2: Foster a growth mindset
“I think for students, fostering a growth mindset, is important. Because you need to shift away from overthinking. You might be thinking, ‘I can’t do this, I can’t do this yet, or I don’t know if I can do it, because I’ve never tried it’. So, we need to normalise that — it’s all about growing and trying new things,” Semanur said.
So, there’s your second tip. This one goes hand in hand with normalising mistake-making. Without making those mistakes, you’re never going to grow or step out of your comfort zone. Focus on growth and focus on challenging yourself.
#3: Practise positive self talk
Semanur’s third tip is to practise positive self-talk. If you’re not 100% what self talk is, we’ve got you covered — check out this article all about self-talk and how you can challenge it.
“Since perfectionism has a correlation with anxiety and practising positive self talk is a common strategy to combat anxiety, I would say self-talk is essential.”
Semanur said that a great way to challenge those thoughts is to really ask yourself, ‘How terrible is this situation? Am I catastrophising? Is it really the end of the world if I don’t meet these goals?’
When it comes to self-talk, it’s really all about challenging those negative thoughts and distortions with realistic and helpful messages. So, knowing that your life isn’t defined by a mark and understanding that mistakes are natural might be your first steps.
“Self interrogation is important to sort of challenge those thoughts. Because a lot of times we say things that aren’t accurate, because we’re thinking emotionally. So it’s quite normal to react like that,” Semanur explained.
There you have it!
We’ve delved into the realm of perfectionism-related anxiety — what it is, what are some signs and the tips to help combat those negative thoughts! While these are great tips, it’s important to remember that professional help is always an option if you’re struggling. In fact, psychologists and counsellors want to help!
Gemma Billington is a Content Writer at Art of Smart and an undergraduate student at the University of Technology Sydney. While studying Journalism and Social and Political Sciences, Gemma enjoys spending her time at the gym or reading about Britain’s medieval monarchy – ideally not at the same time. She currently creates and administers social media posts for Central News and writes for the student publication, The Comma. After completing her undergraduate degree, she hopes to study a Masters of Medieval History and is very excited about the prospect!
