Mental illness can take a real toll on your child’s study path, no matter how capable a student they are. Often, missing school is something that neither the child or parents expects — it can come as a huge shock.
We’ve spoken with counsellor, Dr Elizabeth Kirk, to understand the best things to do if your child is missing a significant period of school. We will go through some practical steps, and explore together what the best means of helping your child progress are.
Alright, this could be a rather long one, but it’s an important and complex issue to tackle. Let’s get going.
Step #1: Recognise That It Isn’t Your Fault
Step #2: Get Professional Help Early
Step #3: Talk to the School as Early as Possible
Step #4: Make a Plan with the School
Step #5: Think about Re-inclusion in School Life
Step #6: Consider Alternative Study Routes
Step #1: Recognise that it isn’t your fault
When something challenging is going on for your child, it’s easy to assume you are somehow to blame.
“Self blame can be natural when your child is missing out on school because of mental illness. While natural, it’s not useful when you’re coping with a child who’s unwell,” Dr Kirk said.
The good news is, you’re not alone. A lot of people experience parental guilt. Instead, it’s important to think rationally about what is going on, so you can work towards your child’s improvement.
“Think about how you would respond if your child was missing a lot of school because of their asthma and apply that same approach — it’s nobody’s fault, it’s just another challenge you are working on together,” added Dr Kirk.
Step #2: Get professional help early
Now that you know your child’s mental illness isn’t your fault, it’s time to start doing something practical about it. Unfortunately, chances are that you don’t have the right qualifications or objective approach to tackle this big issue on your own, so one of the best things you can do is seek professional help as early as possible.
“Again, think of it as if your child was having a bad time with their asthma. You’d be talking to a GP, paediatrician, and maybe a physiotherapist or exercise physiologist to get some expert advice on how to manage your child’s condition. A mental illness is similar. There are a range of professionals that can advise your family and the school about how best to meet your child’s needs,” Dr Kirk said.
There’s also pragmatic aspects that make professional help a really beneficial step. Places like the Department of Education and NESA usually want a professional opinion before they will grant funding or increased access for mental health issues.
“Having professional input into the education plan can also help with funding requests — if there is a documented recommendation from a professional that your child needs a particular modification, it’s more likely to be supported,” she advised.
If you aren’t quite sure where to get this help from, contact your local GP or Headspace. GPs can qualify your child for a mental healthcare plan, and Headspace is free or very low cost mental health service for high school students.
You can also check out other mental health organisations to access here!
Step #3: Talk to the school as early as possible
Generally, you should aim to talk to your school as soon as you notice a change in your child’s mental health that could become a broader problem. This is especially important if they have begun to miss days of school because of it.
“Talking to the school is vital — if you don’t tell them what’s going on it will be very hard for them to know what to do to help you,” said Dr Kirk.
“The flow of information can help both ways: school teachers, counsellors, pastoral care workers and year level coordinators can tell you what’s been happening at school that could be making school hard for your child. For example, bullying, peer group changes, different teaching styles or changed expectations,” she added.
Even if your child experiences school refusal, or they really feel as if they just can’t attend which results in missing school, keeping key people in the loop will help you find faster solutions. Teachers or other staff may have picked up on some key patterns that you aren’t aware of.
Step #4: Make a plan with the school
After you’ve gotten your school up to speed on what is going on, it may be time to start considering practical plans. How will yourself and staff work together to find the best support for your child?
It’s also important that the right people are engaged with drawing up the plan, such as the school counsellor, wellbeing officer or deputy principal.
“Often, teachers have ideas about what might ‘help’ that are well intentioned or might have worked with another child, but are not the best for your child.
“Making a formal, written plan in consultation with mental health professionals allows all teachers your child comes into contact with to know what’s going to really help your child. This is especially important in high school when students can have half a dozen different teachers,” Dr Kirk explained.
Like the last point, a formal study plan can also be really important for getting your child the precise type of assistance they need. Schools are generally granted disability and illness funding based on the specific needs of their enrolled students. If issues aren’t formally documented, there is limited leverage to do something about it.
Dr Kirk said, “A plan allows the school to have a formal document outlining resources your child may need to support them (e.g. a learning support person, voice-to-text software) which can help with planning and budgeting.”
Step #5: Think about re-inclusion in school life
Ideally, through all these processes your overall goal will be to readjust your child into school life once they are well enough to attend. There’s a few things that will make this process easier, Dr Kirk explained.
“Talking with your child at all stages in this process is so important, but never more so than when they are approaching reentry into the school atmosphere. Adapting to being back at school after a period of time away is tricky and it might suit your child to take a ‘baby steps’ approach, with a goal of starting with things that feel okay (or at least ‘not awful’) and adding in one or two new things each week.
“For instance, you might begin with half days and add an hour to your child’s school day each week. Or, for a high school student, you might start with the subjects they like the most (or hate the least) and then add in a new subject each week; or pick an event that interests them like an athletics day or band performance as their re-entry activity.
“The key is to set up achievable, maybe even enjoyable, school activities and build on these achievements when they happen. Work with the school to develop this plan. If your child is able to participate in these discussions with the school, even better!”
Okay, let’s break that advice down. The short version of this is:
“Everybody likes to feel as though they’ve accomplished something. Kids are no different. Making small, achievable goals that are acknowledged and celebrated — and then repeating the process with the next small, achievable goal — is more likely to result in a good experience,” Dr Kirk said.
Step #6: Consider alternative study routes
If it is becoming clear that your child needs extended time off school, or they really aren’t coping, it may be time to consider other alternatives. Dr Kirk gave us a few ideas of what this might look like.
“This could be homeschooling, a special program like Pathways (NSW) or In2School (Vic), or looking at alternative education approaches like Steiner or Montessori. The COVID-19 school closures taught us that there are many ways to learn and that flexible home-based learning can work brilliantly for some students.”
This is generally not the first step you would take. Instead, it is something you might consider after seriously considering what the existing school can offer. Chat to the school principal or your child’s counsellor if you’re unsure!
“Sometimes conventional school isn’t the right environment for a child with mental illness, despite the best efforts of the student, family and teachers. If this is where your family arrives after trying to work with the school, it may be time to explore alternatives.
“The important thing is that you are working on giving your child an opportunity to learn, and to stay engaged with their education in some way,” concluded Dr Kirk.
And that’s it!
Having a child who is mentally unwell and is missing a lot of school can be a huge challenge. You may feel out of your depth and unsure what the best move is.
Hopefully with the steps in this article, you can start to make small improvements. Work with your child, go easy on yourselves, and get the help you need!
Lucinda Garbutt-Young hopes to one day be writing for a big-shot newspaper… or maybe just for a friendly magazine in the arts sector. Right now, she is enjoying studying a Bachelor of Public Communication (Public Relations and Journalism) at UTS while she writes on the side. She also loves making coffees for people in her job as a barista, and loves nothing more than a sun shower.
